Picture Perfect
by mrandmrsstabler
Summary: (Inspired by In My Mind one-shot) What happens when Elliot wakes up with a serious head injury and thinks that he and Olivia are married with children?
1. Wounded

**Hey guys! Decided to take a break from Chance- it was getting way too heavy for me. So, I wrote this E/O three-shot. Hope you like it. Heads up, all the Stabler kids are young but it takes place during season 11.**

* * *

Cragen nudged Olivia's shoulder as she slept in the visitor's chair, inside Elliot's hospital room. Her eyes dark eyes fluttered open with a mix of shock and fear. She moved closer to Elliot's side and desperately tried to make out the information on his monitoring screens. "Olivia relax, he's fine." Olivia turned back at her captain and nodded. She was still so tired, that it had taken her a few extra minutes to get herself together.

"You should go home and get some sleep."

_Sleep. That's exactly what she wanted to do right now, _she thought sarcastically. She had only closed her eyes a minute and the details of Elliot's assault had overflowed in her mind. "I know..." she said as her voice trailed off.

"Do you need to talk to Huang?"

"No. I just...don't want him to wake without me being here."

"Liv. it's been three days. You look like hell. The boys and I will be here with him until you get back. When's the last time you've eaten?" Olivia shrugged her shoulders. She really didn't know. She couldn't worry about it, Elliot was her priority. She had to know he would be ok.

"Olivia."

"I know."

"Have you spoken with Kathy?"

"Yeah. She and the kids are still stuck in Aspen, with her parents. They're trying to catch a red eye, but the snow is really bad." Olivia explained as she stared at Elliot's stiff body. She wanted to reach out and grab him, but she wasn't sure how to react with Cragen in the room, so she opted for other means of communication. She listened to Elliot's breathing machines, she memorized the steady beat of his heart rate, and reluctantly closed her eyes, for at a time like this, their sound had been the only way for her to go to sleep.

"Get out of here. That's an order. I'll ring you if something happens." Olivia looked up at Don, her eyes red and stinging with exhaustion, and thought to argue, but she didn't even have the energy for that. So she gave Elliot one last look, and stood on her feet. "I'll have Fin drive you home. I don't need another one of my best detectives confined to a hospital bed trying to prove me wrong."

Truthfully Olivia didn't need Fin to drive her home, but in the mist of everything, she could hear what Don was saying and decided not to argue. Now was not the time. She stepped out of the ICU and was instantly scooped up by Fin. It wasn't until after he wrapped his big arms around her that she felt the tears she so longed to shed, silently fall.

"Thank you," she whispered.

"He'll be fine. Trust me. If I had to watch the back of your ass everyday, I'd make damn sure I'd pull through." Fin joked. Olivia chuckled softly in his arms and pulled away. They began to walk out of the hospital side by side, not one of them saying a word.

* * *

They had been driving for about ten minutes, when Fin started to talk to her again. He knew this was hard for her, seeing how close she and Elliot had become.

"I just talked to Kathy. She said she'd be here a little later on tonight."

"Is she bringing the kids?"

"The little ones. Kathleen and Maureen are staying with their grandparents. They'll be in tomorrow morning." Olivia didn't respond,

Fin pulled up to her apartment and sat outside in the car with her for a minute.

"You know...if he had to go back, he wouldn't change a thing."

"I know I just..." Olivia could feel her tears swelling in her throat and brimming in her eyes. She swallowed and took a deep breath. "I just wish he didn't have to." She said. She gave Fin a faint smile and put her hands over his before giving it a tight squeeze. "Thank you, again."

"Don't mention it." Olivia gave a gentle nod and then suddenly jumped out of the car. She waisted no time entering the lobby of her apartment building to escape into the confines of her room. As soon as she closed the door behind her she threw her keys on the counter and began to peel off her clothes. She stripped down to her tank and underwear, and crawled into bed. Shortly after, she had fallen asleep.

_"Alright everybody, just calm down." Elliot said as he laid down his weapon and arose his hands above his head._

_"Wrong detective. How about every body fire up!" he ordered, with a ghastly laugh. The other men in the room holding guns, released the safety locks on their artillery. "The big shot from New York thinks he can screw around with my women, my girls? Well let's see what he thinks when I screw his," he taunted as he held Olivia at gunpoint._

_"Victor let her go. What happened this morning was just a misunderstanding." Elliot begged as he tried to move closer._

_"That's right detective it was, but this afternoon when I gotta tip from up north sayin' I gotta bunch a blue bloods peekin' into my shit wasn't, just like how this gorgeous broad's brains will make a lovely new touch to my tapestry if you take another step. Do you understand detective?" Elliot froze in his spot. "Good. Oooouuu, I can tell this one's gotta thing for you." Victor whispered into Olivia's ears. _

_"Please, just take me. I'm the one who screwed you over Vic."_

_"You know, you really do have a gorgeous face. Look at that! Like the fucking prima donna!" Victor laughed with his accomplices as he yanked Olivia's face for everyone to see. "Tell you what princess, they don't call me Victory Victorino for nothin. Are you fucking him? I know you are. Listen, this is what I want you to do." Olivia fidgeted in his arms as he pointed the gun in her back. "I want you to look him in the eyes, and I want you to repeat after me. Ok, you ready? Say, 'Do you love me?'" _

_"Do you love me?" Olivia repeated._

_"Oh come on! You're different! You're Olivia Benson, the badass detective from New york City! I heard a lot of things, I heard a lot of things about you. I know you're no fucking dudd." Victor scrutinized, hitting the side of her head with the gun. Give me some emotion baby! I want fucking Rose on the goddamn Titanic. Now come on, ask him! Say it, like you mean it." Olivia closed her eyes and refocused on Elliot. _Where the hell are the damn feds!

_"Do you love me?"_

_"We ain't gotta all day Romeo."_

_"Yes." Elliot replied. His eyes fixed on Olivia's._

_"Oooooweee! I don't know boys! I think she's going to give meryl a run for her money this year at the ozzies! You know that, that was almost as beautiful as you are. Not bad. See? I knew you had it in you. I knew it. Now repeat after me. Say, 'How much do you love me?"_

_"How much do you love me?" Olivia's hands began to shake, as she began to see where this would play out._

_"More than anything."_

_"What would you sacrifice, to be with me?"_

_"What would you sacrifice to be with me?" Olivia repeated, her voice, low as a whisper. _

_"I would risk all."_

_"Even your life?"_

_"I would risk, every breath that I take." Elliot replied, not waiting for Olivia to repeat _THAT _question. "Now let her go."_

_"Poor choice of words my friend." Victor grinned as he shot the gun aimed at Elliot's head. The room exploded with a load roar that had ironically stolen Olivia's breath, and stopped Elliot's heart. All the blood drained from Olivia's face as she saw Elliot's blood appear at the base of his head. She hadn't believed it, she couldn't believe it. He was dead. She fought with Victor as he tried to push her out of the room, and the task that had once seemed so difficult proved easier to do as he fell lifeless to the floor. _

_The feds raided the Yacht they were on, killing everyone one spot. Olivia kept her head down as blood and woodwork exploded around her. Desperate to save him, she crawled over to Elliot's body, and shook with tremor at what she saw. _

It was quarter to ten, when Olivia's phone rang. The phone had gone off at the precise moment when she discovered Elliot's body, a vision she had prayed to forget and though she could not quite recall the horrific stunt she encountered a few short days ago, the fear for his life still remained. She picked up the phone on it's second ring.

"Benson."

"Hey, Liv. It's Cragen. Elliot's coming out of his coma. Kathy's on her way from the airport." Olivia dressed as she held the phone to her ear. "You'd better make it down here quick. He's coming out of it really fast."

"Yeah. I'm on my way." Olivia informed. She hung up, grabbed her keys, and walked back out the door.


	2. Healed

**Wow! You guys are really into this one. Glad you like it, I do too ;) Also, I just want to apologize to you guys for any and all my typos, insomnia is killing me!**

* * *

Olivia rushed into the ICU and immediately headed towards Elliot's room.

"Olivia!" she turned at the sound of Don's voice.

"What happened? Is he ok?"

"They're still running tests. How are you feeling? You look better. Did you sleep?"

"Yeah. I'm fine." Don faintly smiled at her.

"He's up."

"He's up." Olivia repeated to herself, as if she needed to hear it a second time, just to be sure.

"Here comes the doctor."

"The Stabler relatives?" The doctor called out.

"That'd be us!" Don replied walking over to him.

"Pleasure to meet you. I'm doctor Shaw," the doctor said as he shook hands with Don. "And you must be Olivia."

"Yes."

"Ok, well Elliot's recovering beautifully. The surgery was a success, there are no signs of infections or allergic reactions to any form of medication-

"I'm here!" Kathy cried out as she jumped into Don, Fin, Munch and Olivia's circle with the doctor.

"Hi, yes you are! Elliot's fine. He's doing great." The doctor replied.

"Hey Kathy," Olivia said, as she stroked her arm comfortingly. She couldn't begin to imagine how difficult this must be for her and the kids. She knew that they're marriage was on thin ice, but she also knew that Kathy was a good woman, and that she had still loved Elliot despite their disagreements, and as Kathy returned the gentle and kind touch, she knew her assumptions about her were right.

"So like I said, he's doing great. A couple of stitches but nothing, serious. We'd like to keep him for the rest of the week to monitor is brain activity. I hope that doesn't inconvenience any of you." No one had objected. "Ok, well that's all. We'd like to keep his visitors to a minimum if we can, so Olivia, you and the baby are up first and then you guys can fight and scramble about who goes next."

"What baby?" Olivia asked more to her friends then to Elliot's doctor.

"Your son Mrs. Stabler. Colin." Olivia looked at the doctor like he had three heads. "I'm sorry I think you have me confused with someone else. This is Kathy, Kathy Stabler. Elliot's wife." Kathy waved awkwardly at the doctor. He took another look at his clipboard and looked at both of them. "Ok. Well, I apologize Mrs. Stabler."

"No please, I'm sure he's just a little confused right now. I mean, how many people survive a gunshot wound to the head and cranial internal bleeding? That's gotta screw around with some knots and bolts."

"You have no idea." The doctor mumbled. "Regardless. Olivia. I think you need to speak with Elliot first. Mrs. Stabler, I'll have someone send you in as soon as their done." Kathy nodded, and stood behind as she watched the woman her husband really loved, disappear behind the ICU doors. Don put his hands on her shoulders and politely showed her to a chair. She could no longer feel her legs.

Down the hall, Olivia and Dr. Shaw entered Elliot's room.

"Hi, honey." Elliot grinned.

"Hey, El..."

"What's the matter? Where's Colin...and where's...what happened?" Elliot interrogated. He had expected to see his wife and their little boy, and given the size of her, their little girl too, but only one person showed up. That wasn't like Olivia. Why wouldn't she bring the kids to see him?

"El, who's Colin?"

Elliot scoffed. "Liv, are you sure you're not the one who bumped your head? I mean really. You only pushed him out for eighteen hours." Olivia flinched at his words. "What? Did Cragen have you on a wild goose chase last night, and you forgot you have three year old and a new born at home?"

"Elliot...look at me." He did. "Elliot there is no baby."

"What?"

"You and I don't have any children together Elliot. You're married to Kathy remember? You have Maureen, Kathleen, Dickie and Elizabeth at home, remember?" Elliot frowned at her before bursting into a fit of laughter.

"Did Munch put you up to this? That son of a bitch."

"Elliot."

"Liv. It's ok. That was pretty good one. Me being in a coma and all."

"Elliot, listen to me. Munch didn't put me up to this."

"Oh right. Sorry. Cragen then. Definitely Cragen...but I don't care. I'm just so happy you're here. Let me see a picture of Christine. I can't wait to go home and see her, I bet she's so beautiful, like her mother." Elliot said, taking Olivia's hand in his. Just as he did so, Cragen walked in on them.

"Hey Don! I oughta knock the rest of your teeth out, but Liv's a trooper. She stuck it right out to the end." Don and Olivia exchanged glances at each other.

"I'll be right back," Don said quietly.

"What's up with you guys today? I'm up. I'm ok. I'll be back to work in a few weeks. This a good thing, don't you remember? You always complain about how you have no help in the house. Well, now I'll be able to, and take my work home with me." Elliot smiled. Olivia stood over Elliot and folded her arms tighter across her black trench coat.

She gently drove her fingers over top of the thick bandage across his head. She smiled at him and wished she could be in the same place that he was. She wished she could see their children like he did, and most of all she wished the picture he tried to paint for her was real, and that she could have been apart of it but it was not, and he needed to hear the truth.

"Elliot what's today's date?"

"August 3rd, 2010." _At least he knew the date... _"Elliot, a few days ago, you and I were undercover. We were taking down a man named Victor Markcohvich. He was running a human trafficking operation off the east coast. We went under and seven months in, our cover was blown. Victor threatened to kill me...he put us both in an uncompromisable position and well...you were hit. You lost a lot of the blood, you had internal bleeding, and brain swelling...there was a good chance, a real good chance that you could've gone into a vegetative state, but you didn't. You pulled through.

"Now I know you think that you and I are together, and that we have kids-

"We do have kids! How can you say that! How can you speak like that! Why would you deny Colin?"

"Because we don't, Elliot! I mean come on. It's me, Olivia. You and I? Together? We'd kill ourselves before we walked through the door."

"That's what you said when I asked you to marry me...you said, 'we'd kill ourselves before we made it down the isle, but we did, and we made it through the door, and into the bedroom, Olivia, you lied there with me and you conceived Colin and conceived Christine. It was perfect remember? We just bought the townhouse, the one with all the windows 'cause you said you liked to watch the cars go by, when you stayed up with the baby."

"No...no Elliot." Olivia shook her head.

"It's about Christine isn't it? Something happened, didn't it?"

"El-

"Don't call me that, don't call me that! Tell me what happened to Christine. Did you lose her? Was she stillborn, what? I promise whatever it is, it's ok. I won't be upset, but don't- don't take Colin, Liv. Please don't take him from me." Elliot questioned. Olivia saw the tears swelling in his eyes. She couldn't fathom the pain he must've been going through.

"Elliot-

"You think you can take him from me! He's mine too! Where are they? Liv, tell me please." He grabbed her wrist and pulled her down to his level, his face inches from hers.

"Let go, Elliot your hurting me." Cragen and a team of nurses ran in after they heard the arguing.

"No, not until you tell me where he is. What happened?" He brought his voice down low so the others wouldn't here. "Olivia, look at me. Did you hurt him? You were always so nervous about being like your mother. Is that what happened?" Elliot's heart rate went up as nurses frantically prepared his sedative.

"He's crashing!" one of them said. From behind, Kathy entered and watched the scene- the two of them together as if they were from a dream, a sick, and twisted nightmare, and stood in utter shock completely overwhelmed by the things they said.

"Of course not! I would never do that to our son!"

"Elliot, calm down. Let go of Olivia. You're hurting her." Cragen begged. A nurse had come to Elliot with a needle, but Elliot smacked her hand away, and the syringe had shattered across the floor.

"No, Liv. It's ok. I'm sorry honey. I'm not mad. Just tell me. Tell me what happened. Please." Olivia shook her head.

"It's not real Elliot."

"Yes, yes, yes! Don't you remember? Remember after you came home from Colorado? Kathy and I had divorced, and I asked you to marry me. Liv, you said yes. You loved me. You said that you loved me. You still love me don't you? And we couldn't tell anyone because we were afraid of losing the job and IAB. Then you got pregnant with Colin, and Liv we were so happy.

"Remember? 'Little eyes, little nose, little lips, little toes,' you used to say that about him. We were fine, we were perfect, honey don't you remember?" Elliot looked into her eyes but aside from a few fallen tears her expression had not changed. He had to convince her. He wouldn't stop, but why? Why was she pushing him away? Why was she denying Collin...surely it was Christine...

"No, Elliot I don't remember. It didn't happen. I never married you. I was never pregnant."

"No!" Elliot shouted, going red in the face.

"Elliot look at me. You have to stop this."

"Where's the baby?! Where is my son? Where?" Elliot shouted louder.

"El," Olivia sighed painfully, and shook her head.

"God, please, please, please, Olivia, sweet heart...where's Col-" He hadn't gotten another word out. Olivia looked at him as his hands loosened their grip on her wrists and fell limp beside them. His eyes had looked at her with such dissapointment before they finally closed, the drugs finally taking hold of him and putting him to sleep. Though his eyes were closed, Olivia couldn't stop looking at him. A part of her wanted him to wake up, so he could tell her more, so he could convince her that they really did have a little boy and girl, but he was out cold and the only person who was going to tell her anything was her boss.

"Olivia, why don't you give Kathy and Elliot some time alone?" Olivia took one look at Kathy and she could instantly see the judgment she was quietly passing. She left Elliot's bedside, gave both he and her, one final look, and left them to be alone.

Outside Cragen walked passed her in a frustrated pace. "Don-

"Not another word, until i get this place canvased."

"All clear!" Munch dialed into to Cragen's radio. Cragen did a double take and looked down both ends before facing Olivia. He spoke as quietly and sternly as he possibly could.

"Where is he Liv?"

"Where's who?"

"Colin, your son. Don't lie to me."

"Jesus Christ! You gotta be kidding me. Elliot and I have never slept together. Ever! We both now the risks, Don! Do you honestly think Elliot would put that chance on his family, or I would put a bet on my job. Give me a break!"

"We were both in the same room Olivia. I've seen that look in his eyes before. Whatever you two got going on, it's real. Don't deny it. We all know how close you guys are."

"So because we're close that means, I marry him and then go and get knocked up? Twice?! Unbelievable. When, might I add, did I have these children of mine?"

"When you left for Colorado, you were gone for almost a year...on the case that got us all into this mess, you were gone for seven." Olivia closed her eyes and hit the back of her head against the hospital wall.

"Elliot and I have worked together for a really long time. We've seen hell and walked through it together. Sometimes...yeah I do think about it, and obviously he does too, but never..."

Cragen was speechless. "You should apologize to Kathy."

"I have every intention of doing so."

"That won't be necessary." Kathy said, coming up behind them. "Olivia, could you stay with him? My cousin just called, she has the twins. I need to go home with them."

"Sure," Olivia said. Olivia smiled softly when she could see that the judgmental stare she received earlier was gone, and as Kathy walked away, she looked back- only for a moment, because something had told her, she wouldn't see her for a very long time.

Over the next few hours, Elliot had been in and out of it, and each time he had been completely convinced, that they had shared a life together. Now, in the middle of an entire new day, at quarter of twelve, he had still been convinced but had reduced to a more manageable disposition. "Liv,?"

"Yeah?"

"How much longer do I have to stay here?"

"A few more days." Silence...she sighed and prepared herself for his insistent questioning of their non existent son.

"Oh...could you call Kathy please?"

"Kathy?" _That was a first._ "Sure, I'll have her come right away."

"Aren't you going to come back? I thought we could talk about it..."

"Actually Elliot, I've doing a lot of thinking, and I agree, we should talk about it, but only after your discharged."

"But you will come back right?" By the look in Elliot's eye, she could tell he was scared out of his minds. "I'll be back," she promised, but when she left to call Kathy, she had no intention of ever returning.

Kathy came within the hour, and Olivia passed her on her way out. She had blown her a quick thanks as she carried her two children and told Olivia that she would call and then that was it. Her job was done. So she traveled home, to her empty house, and a bottle of wine.

* * *

Two days later, Elliot was released from the hospital. Olivia hadn't gotten the message from Don while she was at work.

"Are you stopping by?" Fin asked as he passed her desk.

"Where?"

"Elliot's house."

"Oh, no. I think he needs to spend as much time with Kathy and the kids as he can. Seeing me, now, would only complicate things."

"Well, Munch and I are going to help him break into his old shoes. I'll let him now you won't be able to make it. He's been asking for you."

"Thanks."

_A simple night with some friends...also good. _But that night had not been simple. In fact it couldn't have been more difficult for Kathy Stabler. It had been hours since Munch and Fin had left and Elliot still hadn't come to bed- just like the night before. She tip toed into the kitchen and found him there sitting in complete silence.

"Elliot? What's the matter? You can't keep doing this every night."

Elliot smiled at her words. "I know...Kathy come here, sit down. We need to talk."

Elliot had planned this conversation and carefully chose every word to say, but as he looked at his wife of five years, and his ex-wife of three, he found himself absolutely speechless. Yet, somehow he didn't have to say a thing.

"It's Olivia. isn't it?"

"Yes."

Kathy took a deep breath, to compose herself and then faced Elliot.

"What are we going to tell the kids?"

"Nothing. I don't want anything to change between us. I still care for you Kathy, I'm just not in love with you."

"So that's it then...it's over? This is the end..."

"This isn't the end. It's just us ending."

Kathy turned away from him and sighed. It was a different kind of sigh, yes it had remnants of defeat, but it held more relief than any expression ever could.

She was so tired of fighting a battle already won, she was so tired of trying to be someone she wasn't just to compete with Olivia.

It was all finally over and for the first time in months, Kathy could breathe again. She felt like the weight of the world had suddenly been lifted off her chest.

To that Elliot had mutual feelings about her was a comfort she couldn't replace. Sure she loved Elliot, he had fathered four of the most amazing people she had ever known, and she owed him everything for it, but that was as far as their relationship would go.

Ever since she got pregnant with Maureen, and Elliot had insisted on them getting married, she had felt obligated to him, like a job. Her marriage was a job that she couldn't quit unless her boss- Elliot, decided to let her go.

She was ashamed of her reaction, so she tried to seem upset, but in the firmest reality she wasn't. Earlier she had judged Olivia for having an affair but now knowing that none of what Elliot had said was true, all she could do was wish them well.

"Go to her, and send my love."

"Really?"

Kathy nodded reassuringly with a small smile, the one on Elliot's face growing by the second.

"Really?" He asked again. He couldn't believe it. It was so easy! He shot from his chair and kissed Kathy on her cheek.

"God I love you!" he yelled, as he jumped around the kitchen. Kathy laughed at him. He was ecstatic, and his delirium hasn't helped one bit.

He headed for the door, unable to take it anymore.

"Elliot, wait where are you going?"

"To go get her."

"In the middle of the night like this? Why don't you wait until morning?"

"No I can't. I can't waste another moment without her by my side."

"Just be careful," Kathy prayed as she kissed his forehead. "And try not to wake the neighbors."

"I promise." Elliot grinned. He wouldn't wake the neighbors, he'd wake the world. He'd call the newspapers and the stations, he'd write to reporters and politicians so the whole world would know how absolutely in love he was with Olivia Benson- a New York City, manhattan, SVU detective.

He took the stairs two-by- two to his old bedroom and came back down with a shoe box.

"That's all you're taking?" Kathy asked as she hung from the bannister.

"It's all I need." Elliot kissed the side of her cheek once more before finally escaping through their front door.

"I'll call you in the morning!" Elliot said on his way out. Kathy giggled and waved, for she was absolutely certain their hadn't been a man alive more happier than Elliot Stabler.

* * *

**And that's all for now! Next and final chapter will be uploaded on Monday, maybe Subday night if I get home by then, but here's what you can expect; how will things go at Olivia's? How is she taking everything that's happened with Elliot? However things go, I promise you it'll be bittersweet! Stay tuned and thanks for the R&Rs!**


	3. Scarred

**Thanks for your patience guys! All of your support has been great. Once again, just want to clarify, this is the last chapter. Hope I don't disappoint =)**

* * *

Halfway across town, it was a cold night in Olivia Benson's apartment as she tossed and turn in within her sheets. She'd given up trying to sleep around 3 am, and was now prone to every haunting detail of Elliot's fantasy. Since that day in the hospital she hadn't gotten a decent night's sleep and that frustrated her. To lose rest over something so ridiculous as the idea of her and Elliot sharing a life together was not in her agenda. She just wanted to move on and away from everything, and yet she couldn't possibly deny nor could she understand the burning ache in her chest.

By a quarter to four she opted for a glass of vodka. She filled her glass with ice and grabbed the bottle she particularly saved for nights like these. She grimaced when she recalled the last time she actually drank at all and remembered Calvin's sweet and innocent face the day Vivian took him from her. She clutched the glass and without hesitation took her first sip. As she sat in complete silence she knew she hadn't been completely honest with herself, I mean the idea of her and Elliot together was always something she wanted but it was also something she knew she'd never have.

All this time she'd denied herself the slightest thought, the tiniest wish and now she was ready to completely indulge the concept of happiness and she prayed to God there would be no strings attached. _Just one night, one single night, Olivia..._ She would do this. She would think about it. She'd hope for it, and pray for it too. She'd try and imagine everything Elliot had described and she wouldn't care about giving Kathy recognition or crossing boundaries on the job. This is what she wanted, and she was doing it so she could get on with her life. As she began to think, she'd wondered where Elliot was at this very moment.

He had left so many messages on her answering machine that her mailbox was full, and not once had she ever dared to listen to any of them. To be honest she was frightened, but then again she was always frightened around him. She was scared of herself and what she might do- what he might do. They'd been on the job for over eleven years together. The chemistry between them couldn't be denied nor was it rarely missed. Everyone knew that they were more than just partners, she knew it, he knew it and every time they were together, they were like two accidents waiting to happen.

Their relationship was more than complicated- anyone could see that, but they loved each other with something awful, and in that love, feelings had transpired. All this time, Olivia thought she was the only one who pictured herself picking up their kids from school and wearing the ring he gave her on her left hand. All this time Olivia had waited for the Chinese take out nights to become more than just falling asleep on the couch, and to finally know that he had those thoughts too was..._insane. _To know that they both wanted that picture perfect family with one another, where she was pregnant with his child and they were committed to their relationship was to much to hold.

The things Elliot had said to her, the bruises he left on her wrists, the stare he had burned into her had all been a testimony. The things he talked about had made her feel so awful in the sense that she knew she'd never be able to give him those things. She'd never be able to prove him right and so she took another sip from her glass and made a refill. She sat up on the couch and drove her fingers through her loose curls. She sighed and ignored the swelling knot in her throat that was responsible for the moisture in her eyes. She was foolish. They were both foolish, and she had to be up for work in a few hours so she reluctantly got up and poured her glass down the sink and zipped up her sweater. She stared at her keys on the counter and decided she needed to go for a run, or a walk or whatever. She just needed to get out, but when she unlocked her apartment door she came face to face with Elliot Stabler.

They both looked at each other, neither of them saying word, yet each expressing volumes.

"What are you doing here?" Olivia asked, her voice so low and tampered that it could've passed as a whisper.

"I came to see you." Elliot replied, not moving his eyes from hers. He was here, and she was with him and she was the only thing in his world that mattered- the only thing he could see.

"It's late. You couldn't have waited 'til morning?"

Elliot shook his head. "Where were you going?"

"Just...out." Olivia said shrugging her shoulders and shaking her head. The palm of Elliot's hand found the side of her face while his fingers laced around her neck. He drew himself closer as if to kiss her but he didn't. "Go home," Olivia begged. Her eyes closed and rolled back and his demanding touch. Her legs felt like they were going to buckle as his thumb traced her lips. She tried her damnest to resist him as she turned away from him but he hadn't back down. The embrace had taken everything out of Olivia. Her taunt body had clung to his in an unnatural way. As he held her body against his, his frame matching hers, Olivia wondered if they had always been such a perfect fit. Yes...it had been always. The embrace was healing, and as the time spent in his arms passed, the more and more she felt the need to pull away.

"I am home," he whispered in her ear as he laced his other hand around the curve of her waist.

"You don't mean that," Olivia protested. Elliot frowned at her and released her from his clutch. He stepped back and looked at her now disheveled frame. He studied her face and tried to figure out a way-any way, to make her understand. He scoffed and smiled at her, blushing the whole time, his voice never louder than a breath.

"I do, I want to be with you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I want you everyday, in the morning, and at night, smiling and laughing that crazy laugh of yours...I want you to drive me insane and make me lose my mind just so I can find it again." The tears that had formed due to her own personal thoughts had finally fallen as she smiled back at the man who was saying everything that she had wanted to hear, everything that she'd been waiting for him to say, from the man she considered to be her partner- not just in crime but in life and now love. Unfortunately, she couldn't help but wonder if it somehow was all tainted, and so as she smiled at him, she shook her head no.

"It was just a dream Elliot. You suffered a head injury...your brain-

"Liv."

"Your brain is swelling-

'Olivia.

"You're not thinking straight."

"Olivia!" he yells. She jumped at the escalation of his voice. She was distressed, but not by his anxiety. He looked at her with such want, it made her knees want to crumble. He scoffed and said, "I'm not thinking straight? Liv, I have been thinking all over the damn place," pause, "For years! I watched you...god I watched you with everybody else but me. Brian, Dean, David-

"El-

"Olivia...for the first time...for the first time, I can think straight. I don't even...I just know. Whatever it is, it has to be with you. I'm in love with you. I loved you from the moment I first met you." Olivia laughed through her tears and trembling sighs.

"Olivia, our entire lives are built on ideas...what's one more?" Olivia shrugged her shoulders and wiped away her tears. She couldn't look at him anymore. She couldn't fathom where any of this was coming from. It was overwhelming. She knew better than to just take him while he was vulnerable, so she had to deny him. Otherwise if he relapsed- that is, if he hadn't already- she wouldn't be able to live with herself.

She wanted so badly for everything he said to be real, for them to mean something more than hollow promises. They had sounded so perfect...just like their little boy, and their little girl. However, the moment she opened her mouth to protest, Elliot had somehow taken the words from her mouth.

"It was perfect. The picture was perfect..." Elliot said, whispering in a bone chilling tone, his own tears threatening to fall from his eyes. "I saw...I saw, I saw us...and Liv we were so happy. I felt it, I felt our daughter growing inside of you...and you were so excited...there at the dinner party...you just kept smiling...so happy...the four of us."

"The four of us?"

"Yeah. You, me, Colin and the baby." Olivia nodded, with her head down. She wished to God she could believe the story as he did. She was so confused. She couldn't see past her own judgment and that scared her...straight into nothing and nothingness. Her suspicions, her doubt, and all the guards she put up were falling. She had become oblivious to her own subconscious, and as she asked the question she had been driving herself sick over, her own moral reasoning had quite simply deceived her.

"What did he look like?"

"He had your eyes...and your curly brown hair...your lips and your eyebrows too...he liked sail boats," Elliot replied. He too was now inconsolable. He too, didn't have the strength to look her in the eye. He was drained but unresolved. He didn't know what to do next. Now that everything was out of the box, he didn't quite know what to say, but as he looked at the woman he loved; his wife, his partner, his best friend, the mother of his children, he reasoned that now was no longer the time for words, but rather action. He couldn't stand the look of her grieving stature anymore, and so he pulled her into his arms and kissed her lips.

Her body slammed into the door as his tongue explored her mouth, his own lips sucking every part they could grasp. Elliot consumed her lips. His kiss was strong and driven by absolute desire, and when their lips had parted for him to breathe, he had left tender traces of what was. Olivia sighed in disbelief, yet somehow, as convincing as that kiss was, it had all been true. He lingered over her and harvested the intimacy for as long as he could. He had felt her slipping away, but now he was sure he would never lose her. Never again. He caressed the small of her back and the side of her ribs to test her, but she hadn't moved. It was over. They had lived their lives together, they had gotten married and had children, and though they hadn't gotten the chance to grow old together, Olivia felt like she had aged a hundred years.

Be that as it may, she was paralyzed. She never wanted it to end. Did it? "Where to we go from here Elliot?"

"Marry me. Be my wife. Make love to me. Have my children...have our babies." Elliot begged as he softly touched the features of her face.

"What about work? What about the kids? What about Kathy?"

"We'll go away."

"What?" Olivia sighed. How could he say that? How could he suggest leaving SVU and the unit. Elliot was different from her. He had his family at home but not her. SVU was everything to her. Her survivors, were like children, Don like a father, Casey and Alex like sisters...the only family she ever knew, and he just wanted her to throw it all away.

"We'll go away, and we'll think of something and come back when we're all done."

"Elliot I'm not leaving."

"Then come with me...Only for little while...It'll be like a vacation."

"And go where, when, for how long?"

"Anywhere. Now. We can be back tomorrow or next week. I don't care. I just need you. I want you with me." Elliot replied as he planted another kiss on her lips.

"Now?"

"Now." Olivia nodded and this time Elliot had let her go. Perhaps it was because he was confident enough to know that she would return to him, or perhaps the idea of letting her go had just seemed natural to him.

Olivia walked away from him, and for the first time in the past hour she could breathe again. Run away- 'go away' with Elliot was not something she had ever planned on doing. She didn't know what to pack, or where to start, or what to expect. Was this how it was supposed to be? Flustering and disorganized? She didn't know, but apparently Elliot did.

He went through her storage closet and pulled out her duffel bag from work. "You should pack light. Like I said, we'll only be gone a few days, and if it's any longer, I'll buy you some things." Olivia paced into her bathroom and packed her toiletries, while Elliot called Kathy to let the kids know that he'd be out of town. Within fifteen minutes, Olivia was done packing and only had to take a shower before they left.

She locked the door behind her, in case Elliot had any more ideas about them being together and rinsed off in the calming heat of the water. She was able to scrub off most of her anxiety and nearly all her fear as she thought about she and Elliot.

Their relationship had always been more than what they were made up to be and because they were decent people, responsible people, little things like the job and marital commitments had always come first, but what about now? Now it was their turn. What would they do? What if she got pregnant? What if they got married? What if they had a life together? A house? A home?

Just outside her bedroom door, Elliot Stabler had asked himself the same questions, and as he pulled out the little black box he smiled because he had all the answers.

* * *

"Ok, I'm ready. You all set?" Olivia asked emerging from her bedroom. She had been fiddling with some things in her hands so she hadn't noticed Elliot standing there admiring her until more than a moment had passed without his response. When she looked at him he was standing there looking back, his hand hands hanging tightly behind his back.

"What is it? Do I look ok?"

"You look...beautiful." It was all he could manage, and it was true. She did look beautiful. Her dark curls hung loosely from her shoulders and were pushed back by a pair of glasses. Her white, spaghetti strap dress, came down to the edge of her thighs and her perfectly manicured feet sported a simple pair of white flip flops. He faintly smiled as he recognized the silver necklace he gave her for her birthday, hanging around her neck, and was fully prepared to give her yet another piece of jewelry for her to wear, yet this one wouldn't be a symbol of friendship. This piece, which he twiddled between his fingers, was a sign of his love, and as he looked at her, there was no one in the world more deserving than the woman before him.

"We should go, we'll miss the train."

"I just...have to ask you something before we go."

"What is it?" Elliot stepped up to her in the same way he did moments ago in her hallway, only this time he took her hand in his and slid the diamond ring on to her finger. When Olivia saw what he had done, her face turned a deep red.

"Don't be scared, I just want you to remember. I don't have to think about it. I want you. There's no one else left for me...and besides, it's been to long since I've seen you wear it...I don't quite know what's real, and what isn't but...I've seen us together...I've seen...I want us to be real again, and we won't be until you're my wife." Two silent tears had fallen from her eyes before she sniffed them away. She could feel her heart violently throbbing beneath her rib cage to the point where it was almost hard to breathe, this couldn't be happening- not now- but it was and it is. "I need to hear your answer."

"Yes." she whispered and gave a reassuring nod.

"Yes?" Olivia just looked at him and continued to shake her head. Elliot smiled and kissed her. "Do you like it?"

"It's magnificent."

"My grandmother gave it to me before she died. She told me that I had to give it to someone I loved, but that I also had to let the ring choose."

"Why didn't you give it to Kathy?" Olivia asked as she laced her hand in his and repositioned her bag on her shoulder.

"I did, but the ring didn't fit Kathy."

"You never had it altered?"

"I was told to let the ring choose, and I suppose it decided you were better fit to be my wife than she was."

"Oh..."

"Well, come on. You were right. We're running late." Elliot declared as he picked up her suitcase and led her out of her apartment. The idea was to arrive at the station as early as possible, so they could decide on a place to go and only be moments away from catching the first departure train, but as they stood in the middle of one of New York's busiest stations they couldn't make a decision.

"What about Maryland?" Olivia suggested.

"Will have to take a flight. Philadelphia?" Elliot quipped.

"Too close."

"North Carolina?"

"Too boring." Elliot laughed at her. "Ugh! God, make up your mind!" he laughed. Olivia giggled at his immaturity. "Look at me. I'm so in love with you, I can't even get mad."

"Is that so? Then I suppose you won't mind it when I hog all the sheets tonight."

"Trust me, at this rate, we won't need any sheets."

"Don't get you're hopes to high Stabler. One step at a time." Elliot was about shoot another smart remark when the score board re assembled.

"Hey, what about Miami Beach?"

"That could be fun."

"You sure? I mean we don't have to party or anything, but I know they've got a great resort down there we could try, and since it'll just be the two of us we could try a bunch of other things too."

Olivia smirked and kissed the side of his cheek. "We'll see. Why don't you grab the tickets. I want to run to the pharmacy before we leave."

"Ok. Meet you back in ten."

"Mm." Olivia mumbled as she took a sip of her coffee. She headed straight to the in house rite aid and skimmed the isles. She wanted to pick up a few things before they left. She had completely forgot her razors and her hair brush somewhere in between getting engaged and rushing to the station, and hadn't thought twice about double checking to see if she had left something behind. Picking up the last of her toiletries she decided she should probably get some magazines for the ride too.

She almost went for the usual fashion pick she always got but as she saw the slight sparkle of the ring on her finger she wondered if she should be looking through other things now. She stepped back and skimmed the newsstand to consider her options. In a few short months she would be a wife so she picked a few wedding magazines, she expected that by the time they got back she and Elliot would have a solid relationship so home magazines might not have been a bad idea if they were to think about getting a place together, and then of course there were the family magazines designed specifically for moms.

She had picked up condoms before, but what if Elliot was really serious about this? What if he really wanted to have children with her? She took a second glance at the pack in her hand and decided _to hell with it. _She threw it back on the rack and grabbed magazines by the handful. Whatever they decided to do, she wanted to be prepared, and according to her seventy dollar bill, she'd purchased a years worth of preparation.

Outside the store Elliot was waiting patiently for Olivia with their tickets when he noticed a flower kart. He glanced over at her in the store and saw her standing in the line and figured he still had enough time to get them. Pulling their luggage along, he approached the older man who sat with beside a garden of flowers and presented him with a wad of cash.

"How can I help you today sir?"

"Hi, yeah I'll take one of those peach roses and is there anyway I can get a larger order delivered to another state?"

"Absolutely, just fill out this slip and I'll bill you up and put your order in."

"Great, in that case I'll have thirty sunflowers and a bouquet of lilies."

"No problem. Just sign here and we'll keep in touch. You can pick your rose over here." The merchant motioned towards the rack." Elliot studied the light peach flowers and picked the only one that hadn't a mark of distress. No lost petals, no decaying skin, just as pure, perfect and irresistibly beautiful as Olivia was. The merchant watched Elliot make his selection and after years of working in this business he knew a man in love when he saw one. "I bet she's a catch."

Elliot turned to the merchant as he began another conversation. "The girl...she's someone special isn't she?"

"Oh, right. Yeah, she's the love of my life.

"How long have the two of you been married?" The merchant asked as he noted the ring on Elliot's finger.

"Eight years in september." The merchant nodded, obviously impressed by Elliot's declaration. People in this day in age don't have a marriage that lasts more than a few months, but eight years...that's something to be proud of.

"This wife of yours? Does she have a name?"

"Kathy...I met her in high school." Elliot replied, frowning at how unusual it sounded to say those words, and that name.

"Ah. Young love." The merchant commented, but as he saw the disoriented face appearing on his customer, he assumed that maybe his marriage wasn't as great as he thought it to be. "Well you take care of yourself. I hope she smiles when you give it to her."

"Thanks," Elliot replied, though his mind had gone completely blank. He turned around and took in his surroundings. He was in a train station, and he had a rose. He skimmed the faces of the people around him but not one had seemed the slightest bit familiar. He checked his pockets for his cell phone but it wasn't there.

"Sir! Don't forget your bags!" The merchant called out. He handed Elliot the handle of his suitcase and the two tickets that were gently sitting atop of it. "Have a good one." Elliot nodded and carted the suitcase away. He sat down on the nearest bench and took a deep breath. Every passing moment felt like he was waking up from a dream. The noises he heard echoed in his head as if his ears were clogged with chlorine. His head throbbed into a sensation of relief, and his nerves in his body were shocked with anticipation.

He had been mesmerized by a woman and her toddler son as they came into view. He had the strangest feeling that he knew them and he would have approached them had he not heard a familiar voice.

"Is that for me?" Olivia gleamed. She never took Elliot for much a flower guy, hence their was only one flower, but the notion was sweet. After finishing her coffee and going on the shopping spree that she just went on, she had to admit, this "vacation" wasn't such a bad idea after all. They could finally figure out what they were, and she was finally ready to accept whatever that might be.

"Liv?"

"Come on we're going to miss the train."

"What train?"

"Very funny. What did you change your mind again?" Elliot smiled at her but was completely confused. In fact he was so confused he was beginning to think she was the one lost here.

"No. I just...I mean I don't know what we're doing." The light burned out in Olivia's eyes, and the same carnal, dark, void that Elliot knew so well, filled them again as she crossed arms and tried to play along with his charade. She had feared the worst but she never expected what he said next. "Why are you wearing my grandmother's ring?" Olivia glanced down at the sparkling stud as it shined in the light before looking at Elliot again.

"You gave it to me."

"Why?" Olivia closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She had to swallow very hard in order to speak, and even though it took her a moment to say anything at all, but she managed.

"Elliot...what's the last thing you remember?"

"You and me..." Olivia nodded to lead him on, "on the boat. We were taking Victor Marovich down and...Liv are you ok? Why are you crying?"

"No, it's nothing. I just saw that little boy over there...and he reminded me of someone that's all."

"Calvin?" Olivia nodded. Elliot felt for her and he knew that she had been so hurt by what Vivian had did to her. He knew that she thought about him but she had no idea that it was this bad. He moved to hug her but she stepped back and pushed him away. She took her suit case from him and rolled to the other side of the bench where she planned to sit down. Elliot followed her like a hawk, trying to mend the damage the oblivious boy had done.

Olivia took the ring off her finger and clutched it within her fist before dropping it the palm of Elliot's hand. "You asked me to try it on. You were trying to get it resized for Kathy."

"No I wasn't. I would never give it to Kathy. Liv...look at me. Why were you wearing it?"

"Because you..._gave it to me!_...asked me to try it on. You wanted to resize it."

"And these tickets?"

"God damn it Elliot," Olivia sighed as she wiped away her tears. "Why do you insist on interrogating me?"

"Look, I'm just trying to figure things out. I don't remember anything, and you haven't given me a straight answer yet."

"You were in the hospital up until a few days ago. You suffered a head injury. The doctors said that you'd be in and out of it for a while. I asked you to come with me today and pick out a gift for Alex, and we both agreed that a trip to miami would be fun since Casey's already down there."

Elliot sat beside her and balanced his arms on his legs. She was lying to him, and he couldn't for the life of him figure out why. He had to make a decision. Was he going to let her go? Or was he going to make her tell him, because he the feelings he had for her, the desires he had in that moment were completely different from anything he had ever felt for her or anyone for that matter. He felt like she was keeping things from him and that's not what they did. They didn't keep things from each other. He was going to fight for her but before he got the chance she rose from her seat, and announced that she was leaving.

"I'll see you back at the station."

"Olivia wait."

She turned around to face him and while holding on to her last shred of hope, she waited for him to say something. She shrugged her shoulders to make it seem like it wasn't a big deal but it had been- huge.

"I'll see you back at the station," and that was it. That was the end. Their beginning had ended before it ever got the chance to start.

* * *

It was a quarter to 9 when Olivia finally found herself in the confines of her apartment once again. Aside from herself, the place was empty. There was no one there to welcome her home, no children laughing and screaming at her arrival, no family of any kind anxious to say "welcome back", there was only the rigid swoosh of keys as the slid across the counter and the hard slump of dead weight falling on the floor as she slid down the door, softly crying.

Minutes turned into hours, morning turned into night, and still she hadn't moved from that spot at the foot of her door. By the time she even thought about moving it was 9pm and she was exhausted. Rising on her feet, she figured she'd have a hot bath and then go to sleep, but on her way to her bedroom she noticed the red flashing light on answering machine. Yes she was exhausted, but she was not tired, and she would not sleep, so she hit the play button and waited for the apartment to fill with another voice other than her own.

"Hey Liv, this is Elliot. I don't know if you're in or not, but I...

And it went on like this, until her eyes finally closed. The last thing she'd seen was a photograph of she and her partner of eleven years.

* * *

**...BEFORE YOU DECIDE TO KILL ME, YES I AM THINKING ABOUT DOING A SEQUEL, BUT I'M HONESTLY NOT SURE IF I'M GOING TO DO IT. LET ME KNOW IF YOU WANT IT OR IF YOU THINK I SHOULD, OTHERWISE IT'S A WRAP...I THINK. (HAHAHAHA) THANKS FOR YOUR SUPPORT! SEE YOU NEXT TIME.**


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